Angel Beats: Mission from God
by pkpulakkmr
Summary: Soren Osbourne was a typical high-school student until he was summoned to the limbo world in order to burden some rather...unpleasant duties.
1. Chapter 1

It was during my biology class that Professor Johnson made these concluding remarks:

"And that is why, due to humans descending from other primates, there is no God."

I raised my hand.

"I respectfully disagree with your assertion of there being no God, Mr Johnson." I said.

"And I respectfully disagree with your disagreement." he said. "I believe it is only a matter of time before us atheists are proven right, and your beliefs are rendered obsolete! But regardless, these opinionated debates do not belong in the realm of science."

He then gave us all the results of last week's quiz. I got a B. Cool.

But just then, none other than God Himself walked into the classroom! Or at least, some guy that was trying to pass himself off as God. He was wearing white robes, had a flowing white beard, and even a name-tag that said "Hello, I am God."

"Can I help you?" Mr Johnson said, looking visibly unnerved.

"Well, I need to speak to one of your students. Specifically, Mr Soren Osbourne over there." God said, pointing at me.

"Okay...um...why?" Mr Johnson said.

"It's a long story, you know. And I apologize for my weird getup, but really, I do need to speak with Mr Soren over there.

"Fine." Mr Johnson said.

God awkwardly made his way through the classroom towards me. "Um, you're Soren Osbourne aren't you? Well, I have a job for you."

"Are you really God?" I said.

"Well, sort of." He replied. "It's a long story, really. But it has to involve you, because I've been watching you for some time and I know how devoted you are to upholding my will and going to Heaven and stuff."

"Wait, you're choosing me because I'm a Christian?" I said.

"Yeah." God replied. "Look, let's just say that this world isn't the only one I've made. There's another world I've been taking care of so that I can send its inhabitants to Heaven. I want you to take it over for me."

"Wait, you want me to do your job for you?!" Something wasn't right about all this. Actually, _nothing_ was right about all this! Some so-called God barging into a classroom just to "choose" me for doing His job? It was sounding like something out of a crappy wish-fulfillment fan-fic.

"Look, it's a very important duty, and I've chosen you for a reason-"

"Okay, Mister. I think you need to leave." Mr Johnson said.

God sighed and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, everything froze all around us.

"WHOA! So you ARE God!" I said, amazed.

"Like I said, sort of." God said. "Anyway, it's a really important job, and I'm in no position to do it effectively at the moment. So, please Soren, take care of my other world for me."

I didn't like people making such bizarre demands of me out of nowhere. But I could see the sincerity, and the desperation in God's plea to me. Whether I liked it or not, whether I understood it or not, I had been chosen by God for this mission. And as a Christian, I felt obligated to accept it.

"Okay, God. I shall carry out your will." I said.

"YES!" God said, and promptly stroked me. For some reason, this knocked me unconscious.

When I woke up, I was outside a huge fancy building. In fact, it reminded me of Hogwarts from the Harry Potter movies. But suddenly, I felt a sharp sensation at the back of my head, and blacked out.


	2. Chapter 2

"HA! God is dead once more!" I heard a female voice say, as the world faded back into view.

"Ground team, move in and capture him before regeneration is complete!" another female voice said.

I saw a woman running towards me. She was tall, blonde, had amber eyes, and was donning a form-fitting blue jumpsuit that flattered her lithe athletic figure _really_ well. She stopped, looked over me, and pointed what looked like a gun at me.

"Don't move." she said.

"S-samus Aran?" I said.

"I get that a lot." she replied. "Now get up, nice and slow."

Suddenly, an RPG shot out of the sky and blew Samus to bits.

"WHAT THE-!" I screamed, but my voice was drowned out by an even larger one playing over a loudspeaker.

"HA! TAKE THAT, YOU LESBAN!" the voice said. "GOD! God, are you okay?!"

"Huh?!" I said, baffled.

"Oh yeah, I need to remind you! You said that you had to regnra...something like that Doctor Who guy and then you'd be reborn as a handsome CHRISTEN!" the voice replied.

"WHAT?!" I said, still baffled.

"Ground team, find Sara and take her out! Samus, looks like Plan A didn't work! Don the Varia Suit and launch an offensive from Gate Five!"

"Cum on, God! You need to escap the SSS!" the voice who was apparently Sara yelled again. For now, it seemed as though listening to her was my only chance at survival, so I got up and started running.

"Samus, God is on the move, I repeat, God is on the move!" the supposed SSS commander said.

"God! Get to Gate 7! I have a defense set up thar!" Sara said.

Obeying Sara's words, I promptly rushed towards Gate 7. And then I saw it- a band of what looked to be Stormtroopers, lead by Samus in her Varia Suit. They opened fire on me almost immediately.

"KYAAAA!" I yelled, frantically zigzagging my way and somehow successfully dodging the bullets. I quickly went over to Gate 7, and as I did, a bunch of drones suddenly rose up and began firing missiles at Samus and her crew.

"Taking heavy fire! Retreat! RETREAT!" Samus said, as she and her crew of Stormtroopers retreated back through Gate 5. And then, what seemed to be a hovercraft shaped like some sort of divine chariot descended.

"Get in, God!" Sara said. "It's time to tak u to safety and show you your KINDGOM!"

This Sara was a strange girl. She sounded like, and probably was, a young teenager with severe problems with her English. But then again, she had just saved my life, and she seemed to have an idea of what was going on. So I stepped into my hovercraft, and allowed her to take me into my "Kingdom".


End file.
